Children, Are you Learning
by lealila
Summary: When Anakin confesses to murder, he opens the barrier that he and Obi-Wan promised to never cross. The consequences remain to be seen. AU. Companoin to "Different Kind of Story".


_**title from "this is your life" by the killers. takes place about two months after the death of sidious.**_

_Children, Are you Learning_

_when anakin confesses to murder, he opens the barrier that he and obi-wan promised to never cross. the consequences remain to be seen. stories!verse._

Downtime has never been one of Anakin's favorite parts in this war, and waiting to actually go to battle is even worse. All there is is anxiety and Anakin can never sleep before a mission. Not since the Clone Wars started. Neither can Obi-Wan, though from what Obi-Wan has told about his padawan years, Obi-Wan's _never _been able to sleep before missions. Ahsoka is not as bad as them. There will be times when she gets a full sleep. Anakin is glad. She's not them, and she should never be. Even though there is no doubt that Ahsoka has picked up his and Obi-Wan's traits after spending so much time with them.

Anakin likes to spar when heading to a mission. Or to play sabacc. Obi-Wan likes to play spades or hearts. If pushed, he'll sing. When Ahsoka is up, she tells stories.

Now, though, Ahsoka is busy cleaning up the Mid-Rim with Plo Koon and instead of the usual, instead of something _safe_, Anakin says, "I killed the Sand People who killed my mother."

He knows he has to confess that someday. It's been on his mind recently, too. And being so sleep deprived (for how long, he doesn't know) there's not much protesting on his part.

Obi-Wan is shuffling the sabacc cards, but the cards fall flat mid-shuffle.

"What?"

Anakin is regretting that he even said that. But it's too late to turn back now and Anakin has never fallen from a challenge.

"I killed the Sand People who killed my mother."

Obi-Wan blinks twice. Three times. Moments pass without noise and Anakin squirms like a child.

"Anakin, I am extremely disappointed in you."

He's pretending not to be bothered by that fact that Obi-Wan doesn't even question his intent. He doesn't even question the situation! They are talking about his _mother_!

"Actually, Anakin, we are talking about your actions."

_Blasted—_

"_My_ actions?" Obi-Wan blankly stares up at Anakin, who's standing now, but the Force simmers with disappointment and irritation. "What about _their_ actions? I'm not the one who mercilessly—"

But didn't he mercilessly slaughter the entire camp too? _("They're like animals! And I slaughtered them like animals!") _Anakin shakes his head and stalks off without saying anything more, but he's cut off by Obi-Wan who has risen and grabbed his arm.

"Don't walk away. Don't bring this up and expect to leave without talking about it." Obi-Wan takes a breath, like he's the one who's at the breaking point. "Let's start with what happened. What truly happened. Tell me."

Anakin glares at Obi-Wan. He wants to walk out. He _could_ walk it. After all, Anakin is not a padawan anymore. But Obi-Wan doesn't back down from challenges either. So Anakin tells him about leaving Padmé behind, and sneaking in the camp and watching his mother die and of the blankless rage that wasn't far behind. Tells him of slaughtering the whole camp and confessing his actions to Padmé when he returned to the homestead that very morning. Anakin's voice is hollow, and tears threaten, but Anakin refuses to be led to a chair, and he refuses to stop. Anakin talks about the way he felt because he knows that's what Obi-Wan's going to ask next, and he just wants to get it out of the way.

Obi-Wan doesn't speak throughout the whole of his confession, and Anakin couldn't be more grateful. And when he finally finishes, Obi-Wan still doesn't talk for a few moments more.

"_Anakin…._" A shake of the head, and a sigh. "I'm sorry. I truly am. I understand your pain and anger, I truly do. But, Anakin, you could have acted better. I hope—"

"How can _you_ understand this! _You _have never lost anyone close to you. _How dare you—" _Anakin regrets it immediately. Force, Qui-Gon—

"Contrary to popular belief, Anakin, I am capable of human emotions. Especially when someone close to me has died." Obi-Wan's face is closed off, and his arms are crossed in front of him: the stance of a man in defense.

Anakin looks away and down at the floor. He doesn't want to talk about this anymore. But he needs to apologize. "Look, I'm sorry. But haven't you ever—Weren't you furious when Master Qui-Gon was—?"

"Yes." Obi-Wan hesitates, then continues. "But I learned my mistake. All that time I spent meditating within your first year at the Temple? I was trying to reconnect with the lighter side of the Force. I talked with Master Yoda. You didn't deserve to have a master who was tainted by the darkside. And besides," Obi-Wan says with a wry smirk, "Jedi don't take kindly to dark Jedi."

Anakin offers a wry smile back, but it quickly disappears. Obi-Wan continues to talk.

"Anakin, I do understand your anger, and why you…murdered them. But you have to realize your mistake and take actions to redeem yourself."

"I figured you would say that. But…what if I don't really—I regret that I acted unlike a Jedi. Really. But I don't regret killing them." Anakin waits for Obi-Wan to interrupt, but when he doesn't, he tries to explain himself. To explain _why_ he doesn't regret killing them, because somebody needs to know besides himself. "It's like killing Palpatine. He was a threat to the Republic, to the Jedi, and to the galaxy as a whole. And personally, he was a threat to my family. The same goes for the Tuskens. They were a threat to—to the people of Tattoine, and to my mother's family. I didn't want them to torture another innocent. And besides, they murdered my mother. I wasn't in a forgiving mood."

Obi-Wan's frowning at him, and Anakin starts squirming like a child again, until Obi-Wan tells him to stop. "You're not a child, Anakin." He abeyances. "I can't force you to do anything. I am not your master anymore, Anakin. I can only hope that…that you can forgive yourself. And I hope that you'll look for help when you need it."

"But do _you_ forgive me?" Anakin needs to know—needs to know that Obi-Wan won't judge him for this, won't shun him. Everything will go back to normal. Even if they don't quite know what normal _is._

Obi-Wan hesitates, looking away, down, towards the small viewport. "I—I do."

Anakin nods. He's surprised, but tries not to show it. (The perfect Jedi General, and Anakin's mentor forgives him?) The hesitation hurts, though, and Anakin has to wonder if Obi-Wan's just saying it to placate him. But no. Obi-Wan only tells the truth; he doesn't know how to tell anything else. "Thank you," Anakin says.

Obi-Wan only nods, as phlegmatic as ever. But Anakin needs to hear one more thing. "Are you going to tell the Council?"

He blinks. "It's not my responsibility."

_I won't say anything, but you should at least speak to Yoda_, is what Obi-Wan's really saying. Anakin sighs. He knows he should. He just doesn't know if he _will_.

Neither know what to say next: they're not used to this confessing thing, this extreme openness. They may or may not like it and they may or may not do it again.

(They will. Truth be told, they enjoy confessing hidden secrets. But they'll never admit that little secret. To them, there's no need to.)

Anakin glances at the misshapen sabacc cards. Obi-Wan follows his gaze. A long silence where they both try to find the words that will bring back normalcy. Finally, Anakin says, "Lunch at Dex's says I'll beat you two to three."

They exchange wicked grins. "Deal."


End file.
